How could anyone not like Jerry
- Mrs. Seinfeld
~
If we pick, do we not bleed
- Jerry
~
Kramer saw me naked,
How can I go on
- Elaine
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Look at you! You run like a girl. Run like a man. Lift your knees!
- Cosmo to George
~
Do you have any conceivable reason for even getting up in the morning?
I like to get the Daily News
- Cosmo and George
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It's like a sauna in here
- Kramer (sitting in a sauna)
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Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it. You get a sense and then look away
- Jerry
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Nobody is sicker than me
- George
~
Seems to me the basic conflict between men and women, sexually, is that men are like firemen. To men, sex is an emergency, and no matter what we're doing
we can be ready in two minutes.
Women, on the other hand, are like fire. They're very exciting, but the conditions have to be exactly right for it to occur
- Jerry
~
Dating is pressure and tension. What is a date, really, but a job interview that lasts all night? The only difference between a date and a job interview is that in not many job interviews is there a chance you'll end up naked at the end of it
- Jerry
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Kids could always resolve any dispute by calling it. One of them will say; I got the front seat I want the front seat I called it And the other kid has no recourse. He called it, what can I do? If there was a kid court of law it holds up. You Honor, my client did ask for the front seat The judge says; Did he call it? Well, no, he didn't call it He bangs the gavel, objection overruled.
He has to call it. Case closed
- Jerry
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The idea behind the tuxedo is the woman's point of view that men are all the same, so we might as well dress them that way. That's why a wedding is like the joining together of a beautiful, glowing bride and some guy. The tuxedo is a wedding safety device, created by women because they know that men are undependable. So in case the groom chickens out, everybody just takes one step over, and she marries the next guy
- Jerry
~
I have the body of a taut
pre-teen Sweedish boy
- Cosmo
~
If the Pigman had a car he would give you a ride! What if he had a two-seater?
George be realistic here!
- Cosmo and George
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Do you ever just get down on your knees and thank God you have access
to me and my dementia
- George
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A bra is for ladies. Meet the Bro
- Cosmo
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After seeing my father's hooters I threw up all night. It was like my own
personal Crying Game
- George
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THAT is one magic loogee!
- Jerry
~
Imagine her taking credit for your Big Salad
- Jerry
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Did you see the way she pointed at the check? She just gave me the finger
- George
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But it was written in pen. You fake erased
- Elaine
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Hi my name is George I'm unemployed and I live with my parents
- George
~
Oh YEAH? Well the Jerk Store called and they're running out of you
- George
~
The sea was angry that day
my friends, like an old man trying
to send back soup in a deli.
- George
(Thanks armmover@worldnet.att.net)
~
Am I wrong or do I see a nipple
- Jerry
~
No. I'm sorry, the correct
answer is the Moops
- George
(Thanks JAKSUEDESHOES@aol.com)
~
Jerry, this is Mr. Costanza...
Steinbrenner's here,
George is dead,
Call me back
- Frank Costanza
(Thanks JAKSUEDESHOES@aol.com)
~