A woman seldom asks advice before she has bought her wedding clothes
- Joseph Addison
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Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same
- Oscar Wilde
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Men marry because they are tired, women because they are curious; both are disappointed
- Oscar Wilde
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I take my wife everywhere I go. She always finds her way back
- Henny Youngman
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Compromise: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way
- Unknown
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Every mother generally hopes that her daughter will snag a better husband than she managed to do...but she's certain that her boy will never get as great a wife as his father did
- Unknown
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Marital Freedom: The liberty that allows a husband to do exactly that which his wife pleases
- Unknown
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Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering
- Unknown
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Marriage is like a box of chocolates. You have to squeeze a few bottoms to make sure you like what you are getting
- Unknown
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Marriage is the only war in which
you sleep with the enemy
- Unknown
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Mistress: Something between a
mister and a mattress
- Unknown
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I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar
- Unknown
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They have come up with a perfect understanding. He won't try to run her life, and he won't try to run his, either
- Unknown
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They're almost inseparable. Sometimes it takes ten people to separate them
- Unknown
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A man can't get rich if he takes
proper care of his family
- Unknown
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With this ring I thee wed,
with my body I thee worship,
and with all my worldly good I thee endow
- Unknown
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Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success
- Jim Backus
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Honeymoon: A short period of doting between dating and debting
- Ray Bandy
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The world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity
- Ambrose Bierce
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If ever two were one, then surely we. If ever man were loved by wife, then thee
- Anne Bradstreet
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I married the first man I ever kissed.
When I tell this to my children
they just about throw up
- Barbara Bush
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Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest
- Irwin Corey
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Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half shut afterwards
- Benjamin Franklin
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A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
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I know nothing about sex,
because I was always married
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
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I don't think I'll get married again. I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house
- Lewis Grizzard
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When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her
- Sacha Guitry
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The only thing worse than a man you
can't control is a man you can
- Margo Kaufman
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I don't worry about terrorism.
I was married for two years
- Sam Kinison
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I belong to Bridegrooms Anonymous. Whenever I feel like getting married, they send over a lady in a housecoat and hair curlers to burn my toast for me
- Dick Martin
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We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife
- Groucho Marx
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Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe
- Jackie Mason
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Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out
- Michel de Montaigne
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Never be unfaithful to a lover,
except with your wife
- P. J. O'Rourke
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Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you said;
after marriage, he'll fall asleep before you finish saying it
- Helen Roland
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A husband is what's left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted
- Helen Rowland
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In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar, a practice which is still very much practiced
- Helen Rowland
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When you see what some girls marry, you realize how they must hate to work for a living
- Helen Rowland
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By all means marry. If you get a good wife you will become happy, and if you get a bad one you will become a philosopher
- Socrates
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Some of us are becoming
the men we wanted to marry
- Gloria Steinem
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Marriage isn't a word ...
it's a sentence
- King Vidor
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He was happily married
- but his wife wasn't
- Victor Borge
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Marriage is a great institution,
but I'm not ready for an institution yet
- Mae West
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The problem with being best man at a wedding is that you never get a chance to prove it
- Thomas Skogestad
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There's nothing quite so off-putting at a wedding as a priest with a huge erection
- 4 Weddings and a Funeral
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There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I'll get married again
- Clint Eastwood
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Zsa Zsa Gabor has been married so many times she has rice marks on her face
- Henny Youngman
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Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers
- Unknown
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I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
~